Gossip Sucker

John Mayer has taken to his official Twitter account to talk about the Tiger Woods scandal. After Tiger got dropped by Accenture, John said this:

Accenture just dropped Tiger. Apparently he was no longer a good fit with that company that nobody knows what the hell they do.

Dear Accenture, I would love to endorse your space shuttle parts. Or is it your sentient war machines? Tic Tac Toe scoreboards?

Do they make assgaskets? Motorized fake beard racks? Big pants for little people? Do they make dollhouse panic rooms?

A gun that shoots whips? Panther saddles?

Tiger was recently dropped by Gatorade, Tag Heuer, and Gillette, to date. Hey John, even after checking out Accenture’s website, I still don’t know what they do. So you’re not alone there.

Image Credit: Bauer-Griffin

Yes, you’ve read that correctly, Jon Gosselin thinks he’s got what it takes to bring in the girls. After conquering Kate, he moved on to Hailey Glassman, Kate Major, and the nanny, Stephanie Santoro. Now, Jon’s got his eyes on the much bigger prizes.

Rumor has it that Jon has his sights set on Kristin Cavallari, Lindsay Lohan, along with Whitney Port. And remember what Kristin said about that stripper who molested her? I can’t even imagine what she’ll say about this nonsense. She kept mum when John Mayer claimed they never tasted the Skittles rainbow together, but I don’t think she’ll keep her trap shut about this one.

According to sources, Jon has a little list that he made up. Michael Lohan would be so proud!

The snitch said, “What he really wants is to hook up with Lindsay Lohan, Kristin Cavallari and Whitney Port.”

Like they’d really go for that?

Image Credit: Bauer-Griffin

I don’t know how much of this I believe, but rumor has it that Jennifer Aniston is looking to hook back up with ex-boyfriend, John Mayer, for round three.

An inside snitch reportedly said, “He wasn’t calling her or texting her. But, as she got lonelier and the shoot for her new movie wore on, she started reaching out to him, sometimes very late at night and sometimes after a few too many glasses of wine.”

Her best pal, Courteney Cox-Arquette, doesn’t seem to like the idea. The snitch adds, “Courteney is the biggest objector to a John reunion. They never got along and Courteney is someone who has always told Jennifer she’s too good for John. Jennifer’s friends do not like John Mayer. But Jen, as always, acts from the heart, and if she loses a couple of friends in the course of getting back together with John, then so be it.”

I’m calling BS on that last statement. Jen wouldn’t ditch her BFF just to hook up with this douchebag for round three. There’s just no way. She’s smarter than that.

Scheana Marie Jancan talked to “Young Hollywood” about her “friend” John Mayer.

She basically just says that she’s not his girlfriend and that so many people out there are making up rumors about the two of them. She also says that “Star” magazine has reported that she said he was “amazing in bed”, but that quote wasn’t hers. When asked if she’s slept with him, she said that it was a personal question and she didn’t want to answer that. So that means yes, right?

Check it out:

She reminds me of a younger brunette Britney Spears, only dumber. What do you think?

According to sources, John Mayer is dating 24-year-old model, Scheana Marie Jancan. The two of them met at a lounge in Beverly Hills earlier this month. Later he asked her out and she was “thrilled”.

A source says, “Scheana was shocked and thrilled when John asked her out. She has always thought he was hot, and she said yes right away, writing down her cell phone number on a napkin. They flirted the whole time, and he told her she was cute.”

We all know that John just wants a pretty face and not someone to bog him down with any real conversation. He reportedly told Jessica Simpson to just sit there and look pretty, but not to speak.

But that’s not a good example, either, now is it?

Image via MySpace